


Consequences

by HayamaRei



Series: Portals [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, alternative universe, i am so so so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 17:55:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8219881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HayamaRei/pseuds/HayamaRei
Summary: Alec is dying and Jace feels it all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I really wasn't sure if I should post this or not but I got nothing to lose if I do. 
> 
> Jace's feelings during the scene in which Alec died. I've always wanted to write one of these, how your parabatai's death will feel fics and so I did. 
> 
> This work is part of the [Portals](https://archiveofourown.org/series/557063) series and is a perspective of events that happened in chapter 5 of [On The Other Side](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8103700/chapters/18571456) but can also be read as a stand alone fic without losing much of the context.

Jace felt the pain shoot through his chest and for a moment he thought he was hit. That he'd lost focus and brought his guard down.

But as a second passed he realised it wasn't the case. There was no warm blood seeping out of a fresh wound and no blade sticking out of his chest. It was also wrong. A wrong kind of pain, the type he wasn't supposed to be feeling no matter how bad he was hurt. 

And then he knew. Even before he shifted his eyes over to where his parabatai was, he knew what had happened. 

Alec's name ripped from his throat on its own, leaving it raw and aching. Jace watched as Alec fell, Magnus catching him. A tiny sliver of hope wrapped his heart even though his body knew it was futile. He felt it with his very soul, Alec's life seeping out of him, leaving behind nothing but a shell. 

Jace wasn't sure when he'd fallen down as well. But suddenly Izzy was in front of him and her eyes were filled with tears she was stubbornly refusing to let fall. She was stronger than many gave her credit for, Jace thought. 

The emptyness grew. More and more as both him and Izzy stood together and watched Magnus break down. It felt like hours and no time at all at once. The moment when Jace felt Alec's presence disappearing fully from within him. Jace tried to hold on. Tried to reach out and grab him, force him to stay but it was too late. 

He couldn't breathe. Cold. Freezing, like jumping into a pool of icy water after staying under the sun for too long. It made him choke and struggle to get air back into his lungs but he couldn't. 

Then it started burning. A fire underneath his skin, strong enough to make him want to scream again. Burning him from within with anger and despair and even more anger. 

How could he?! How could Alec be so stupid?! How could he just leave everyone like that? Izzy, his parents, Magnus and Max! How could he leave Jace all alone without thinking what he was doing?! 

But it wasn't Alec's fault. No. It was Jace's. His job as a parabatai was to make sure Alec had his back covered. They had to protect each other, work as one. But Alec was hit. Jace had failed. It was his fault. All of it. 

The fire subdued and the moment it did Jace willed it to be back. He hated it but it was better than what came next.

Emptyness. A hollow space in his chest he knew would never be filled again. It was like someone had carved him out from the inside and left his chest empty. 

The fire was better.

He stood up. His body felt foreign, like he wasn't really in control of it. That brought a strange calmness over him. Kept him composed enough to have him move across the warehouse without collapsing. In a way it felt like the calm before a storm. One that was sure to hit as soon as Alec was in his arms. 

Magnus was crying. He was hugging Alec close and that angered Jace though he didn't let it show. But he didn't want anyone else touching him. His Alec. His parabatai. The other part of his soul. 

Silently he pried Alec's body from Magnus' hands and was surprised when the warlock didn't resist. Instead he backed away but Jace paid him no mind. 

Blood. It was soaking everything. There was a smear on his face and Jace reached out to wipe it off. A wet drop fell on Alec's cheek right then. When had he started crying? But now that he was aware of it he couldn't stop it anymore. 

Hugging Alec closer his whole body started shaking and once again he couldn't breathe. 

He blanked out afterwards, the only thing in his mind being the fact that he was left alone by the person that mattered the most. 

He only came back to his senses when someone tried to take Alec away. Instinctively he clutched tighter,squeezing his eyes shut,not wanting to be pulled out into reality just yet. He didn't want to deal with every other emotion that was just waiting to wreck him even further. 

The gentle hand on his shoulder made him look up. Izzy's eyes were red and swollen and pleading and only served to break Jace's heart more. 

He was selfish. So selfish that he hadn't offered her comfort when she most needed it. 

But something in her eyes told him she understood and Jace wanted to cry harder. 

"Please, let's go." She whispered and Jace couldn't do much but agree.

He didn't want to go back to the Institute with Alec's body in his hands. He didn't want to see Maryse and Robert break down before his eyes and he didn't want people to look him with sadness and _pity_ because he'd lost his parabatai. He wanted none of it. But he had to and he would.

So he built a wall around what little was left from his heart, he put the, now broken, stone mask back on and he walked. There was little else left for him to do anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
